>>24732
I looked over this. No errors that I can see, but a few minor suggestions. I think some small changes could improve things, but feel free to ignore these.
Page 672
Isn't it a good thing
that they think well of her?
Right? Is it really?
Just a small thing here. I think the é•ã†ï¼Ÿæœ¬å½“ã«ï¼Ÿ is referring back to her own line in the previous panel. She says, "It's like I want to keep her for myself," then immediately denies it with é•ã†. So this box here in the next panel is her questioning her own denial, not questioning the line that came before it. Maybe change it to something like, "I didn't mean it like that, right?" or something to connect it back to that?
Page 683
I'd like
you to hold my hand.
Again really minor, but I think this would be more natural like "I'd like you/to hold my hand."
Page 684
Maybe "just kidding" instead of "I lied"? ã†ã is often used that way. "I lied" sounds kinda weird here, like it actually did hurt but she's pretending that it didn't to make Hinako feel better. Maybe that's just me.
685
Again, a small wording issue. "I wish it were love" implies that it isn't love, whereas to me the æ‹ãªã‚‰ sort of implies the opposite, or at least allows for the strong possibility that it is. I don't really know what to do with this, since the　ã®ã« in æ‹ãªã‚‰ã„ã„ã®ã« kind of tinges the statement with regret, which I think is what you were going for. Like, she hopes it is love, but is anxious about what that would mean. Maybe rewrite these lines a bit? "Is this love?" "I hope this is love. But..." I don't know, maybe that's not any better.
