If I haven't commented on a suggested change, I'm fine with it. Here are some detail responses to ralnicc's PR. Thanks for the detailed PR, I really appreciate it.
//09
/5
bubble 2: This is ã„ã¡ã‚ƒã¤ã and his line is pretty vague to indicate he thinks this is their usual flirting. I just wanna make sure this wasn't mixed up with ã„ã¡ã‚ƒã£ã¦ã‚‹ or something.
Yes, a better TL would be “They’re always flirting like that†or “They just can’t stop flirting with each otherâ€
//10
/3
Bubble 2: "My heart isn't into it" This sounds like the present tense right here and now, when it should fit with the previous clause, like 'Dieting may improve my body, but I can't see it ever improving my spirit' or something like that.
Agreed. Maybe “But it’s not like it makes my heart any lighterâ€.
//12
/1
Bubble 3: This should technically be in response to "excess weight" but I only really have a problem with the ガーン below it because that should be a shock/disappointment or even a gasp, because she then goes to seek comfort in Ayako's chest in the next panel. Responding to her statement as a whole with "I can't" works on its own but then it would break if "Stubborn" were to be changed. You could punch up Ayako's line to something like "If you want to get rid of that extra flab of yours etc." in order to shock Saori.
To punch it up, then how about this:
/1
But to lose the extra fat
You have to exercise more and eat less
Extra fat…
sfx: Right where it hurts
//15
/3
"Ayako-san"
//17
/1&2
This part is that Ayako does all that she does morning and night because of how Saori is like this for her, so I think this line is off track. She's capable of doing her high-effort routine because of Saori. I can't really come up with anything good, but something with the gist of 'I'm able to push myself morning and night like that because of your desire for me etc.' I think would be more on point.
This was a bad TL on my part. Try:
/1
The reason I can push myself morning and night,
is because you desire me like this…
//30
/2
All dictionaries are telling me you have to spell it “champagne"
Yeah, I’m just used to the idiosyncratic spelling of champaign, Illinois. Thanks for the catch.
//32
Second-last bubble: This sounds like it was translated from like ã‚ã›ã‚‰ã™ instead of ã˜ã‚‰ã™. I just want to make sure this is what you want boke.
Good catch. It should be “Don’t tease me…â€
//34
/1
I'm not sure where this "Too..." comes from
Right, delete it
//35
At the end of the second paragraph in the brackets, from what I've googled, æãæãè©æ¬º refers to them /saying/ that they've been going to make an 18+ book about them over and over again but never actually getting around to it. Not that they've been trying to fit in sex scenes in their usual stories.
I think a better TL would be:
“I’m drawing a ton, and I’m also trying to get an adult manga of these two, even if I have to cheat.â€