If there is ever such thing as sloppy yuri, here it is. Content warning: lost key starts the love engine, yuri play is a thing, afterward for four pages? Seriously?

Hey I'm new to scanlating but wanted to give it a dry. I uploaded both the png exports and original PSD files on catbox and uploaded the zip file, so let me know if I need to do anything else. I'm pretty good at photoshop so don't worry about quality control. I also changed a couple of the dialogue a bit to what I think sounds slightly better or more close to the original jp.

I can take a detailed quality check look later, but I'd suggest not re-doing the translation at parts. While it may make it more direct, the new dialogue doesn't flow well and the English isn't quite right on it. For example, the ghost pose part is unrealistic phrasing

Some spots have extra prepositions, but some spots flow a bit better too

Well what spots flow better and what spots sound worse? And do you think "I’m not playing ghost here!" or "I wasn't doing the ghost pose!" sounds more natural?

Here's my line by line QC. Might need review from boke as well.

>>26174 Some things I want to add before I apply the quality changes.

1f2: After re-reading this panel, I think Ekio (light hair one) suggests Beni (dark hair one) move in with her. Beni asks if it's okay for her to not pay any rent or utilities, and so Eiko quickly changes the subject. As such, I think something more along the lines of "Is it fine if I don't pay any rent or utilities?" would better convey the original Japanese dialog.

2f3: I'm not sure where love is supposed to go. Boke would have to clarify.

Beni: Regarding "loves Eiko," the original text conveys the message that Beni loves Eiko despite not understanding her hobby of yuri. "But Beni loves her anyway," conveys that liking yuri is a negative trait that Beni is able to look past, when in actuality, it's more so about loving someone despite not being able to understand them. As such, something like "Beni loves Eiko despite that fact that she had never heard of the word 'yuri' before she met her," would probably be a better translation.

Also, I would say that "has no life" is a better translation of 生活力 than "not great at daily life" and "basically" is a better translation of 基本的 than "to tell the truth," but I'm open to talking about it with Boke if he disagrees.

>>26174

If I haven’t comment on a change, I’m fine with it.

2f3
I'm not sure where the "Love!" from the script was supposed to end up here

—> Near Beni-chan’s head

3f3
The ghost line here is kinda stilted either way, my own suggestion would be
"I'm not pretending to be a ghost!"
Mainly because I don't think kids play ghost (unless it's the band of course, but this would be a category of playing pretend), or do ghost poses so it ends up being odd.

—-> I think the ghost image is simply and artistic affectation. There’s no mention of it in the story.

The daily life to has no life change is kinda big, thematically, so might need a review on that one.

—> “Has no life” is lively, but not accurate to the original text. The flavor is more of Beni-chan has a hard time keeping up with the day to day stuff.

>>26175

>>26174 Some things I want to add before I apply the quality changes.

1f2: After re-reading this panel, I think Ekio (light hair one) suggests Beni (dark hair one) move in with her. Beni asks if it's okay for her to not pay any rent or utilities, and so Eiko quickly changes the subject. As such, I think something more along the lines of "Is it fine if I don't pay any rent or utilities?" would better convey the original Japanese dialog.

--> This is accurate. I'm fine with the change.

2f3: I'm not sure where love is supposed to go. Boke would have to clarify.

--> see above

Beni: Regarding "loves Eiko," the original text conveys the message that Beni loves Eiko despite not understanding her hobby of yuri. "But Beni loves her anyway," conveys that liking yuri is a negative trait that Beni is able to look past, when in actuality, it's more so about loving someone despite not being able to understand them. As such, something like "Beni loves Eiko despite that fact that she had never heard of the word 'yuri' before she met her," would probably be a better translation.

Also, I would say that "has no life" is a better translation of 生活力 than "not great at daily life" and "basically" is a better translation of 基本的 than "to tell the truth," but I'm open to talking about it with Boke if he disagrees.

--> Changing 基本的 to "basically" works just fine.

--> After having consulted with a native speaker, the consensus was "has no life" is a big harsh. My TL is certainly clunky here, so maybe something in the neighborhood of "sucks at daily life"?

Applied all the suggested edits to the pages.

>>26187

This looks fine, just needs a credits page.

What's going on? Release it.

I made a quick credits page and uploaded it. https://dynasty-scans.com/chapters/two_yuri_girls_playing_yuri