00: Any reason the title page wasn’t included?
01: Page typeset in uppercase for some reason? Should be lowercase to be consistent with the rest.
03/4: “Mmm” → “Mmm…”
03/4: The “is” in “Well, it is clean” needs to be italicized, not just bolded. Bolding text is used for emphasis in English, but not in this way.
03/5: “I’m looking forward to it even more” → “I’m looking forward to it even more now!” (punctuation especially important)
03/6: This is a good font for narration (square boxes), but not so much for thought bubbles like these. I’d recommend using thin (light) Chinacat/CantonCat instead. You can also change the narration font to this if you want, I don’t think it matters much.
04/1: Narration font has way too high line spacing; make the lines closer together.
04/1: The handwritten font used here is too formal. Use instead the same handwritten font as the previous page. Also, rotate the text a little.
05/1: “Nyahaha” → “Nyahaha…”
05/1: “OMG” → “OMG!”
05/2: “What at you grinning for?” → “What are you grinning for?”
05/2: “Ehehehe” → “Ehehehe…”
05/3: “So you’re not a young lady…” doesn’t, I think, communicate what it tries to in English. I’d instead recommend “So you’re not so posh…” (although apparently “posh” is a British English-specific word? So maybe something like “So you’re not so high class…”). Also change the previous page “Maybe she’s actually a real young lady?” → “Maybe she’s actually really upper-class?”.
05/3: Bold the first (“Ok, we’re here!”) and final (“What are you talking about?”) bubbles, to match the raw.
06/1: If you hyphenated as “Solitary / confine- / ment?!” then you could make the text size larger, which would look better.
08/3: “When some” → “When someone”
08/3: “That’s a pretty cool to describe it, huh?” → “That’s a pretty cool way to describe it, huh?”
08/4: “Are you dissing on me?” → “Are you trying to diss me?” (or, maybe, “Are you trying to insult me?”)
09/2: The SFX is “はっ” – the “っ” (sokuon) was not removed
10/1: Not too fond of the way the second “Crammed full” overlaps the text bubble. Maybe put “Crammed” on the left of the closet and “full” on the right.
10/3: Text too small. Would be helped again by reducing the line spacing as I commented earliër.
10/4: Add a larger white border or glow around the text, to match the raw.
10/5: “I imagine that she delights in each one.” → “I imagine that she takes delight in each one.” (the subject of the verb “delight” is the object causing delighted, not the person beïng delighted)
11/2: Would be nice to make the text size of “Hmmmmm?” larger. Since it’s a SFX, you can do something like “Hmmm / mmm?” perhaps.
11/4: Again, would recommend changing the formal cursive font to an informal unjoined one.
11/5: Sokuon not removed in the last SFX.
12/1: “I bet this actually turns you off, huh?” → “I bet this actually puts you off, huh?” (to avoid the sexual connotation)
12/1: “No! Not at all!” in bold
12/4: “You don’t even have a TV” → “You don’t even have a TV.”
14/4: “Of this empty room!” → “of this empty room!”
17/2: Second “I know, right?” can become “I know, right?!” for variation
17/2: “That that ocean scene!” → “And that ocean scene!”
17/4: “Why did you decide to be a minimalist?” → “Why did you decide to become a minimalist?” (reads better IMO)
18/1: Font size a little too large I think.
18/1: Move the “I” at the end of the first line to the start of the next, so it looks more balanced.
19/1: Move “WORLD” to above “room” instead of below it (this is because when written LTR, Ruby text always goes above)
19/1: “Are the things that meet that criteria.” → “are the things that meet that criteria.”
20/2: “am” in italics, like before.
21/1: “But now I feel this room has endless possibilities!” → “now I feel this room has endless possibilities!” (avoid repeating “But”)
21/3: “Get your clean on!” is a weird phrase to me. Maybe replace iwith something like “Get in your cleaning mindset!”
22/2: Looks like the letter spacing got increased somehow?
23: Not too keen on using a comic font here, maybe switch to the one you’re using for narration, or a different sans serif one entirely?
23: “Juniors in college” → “juniors in college”
23: “but she couldn’t care less” → “but she doesn’t mind” (reads better to me)
23: “Since she only has a couple changes of clothes that she wears at college, and it makes her worry about what others think.” → “She only has a couple outfits that she wears at college, and it makes her worry about what others think.”
23: Missing the paragraph at the end. I would rewrite it for flow as “Since she’s taken on a “minimalist persona”, other people don’t worry about it – in fact, people think she’s great at mixing and matching. She likes watching minimalism videos on YouTube.”