p02 "Usagi-" My interpretation of the — in うさ— is an extension of the vowel sound, while a hyphen generally communicates the opposite. I think either "Usagi~" or "Usagiii" would be better here. p03 panel 1 "Snail" - I think this largely preference, but I'd like to see the word itself a bit larger and slightly more diagonal, and maybe shrink the outline a bit if possible? It looks noticeably thicker than the drawing it's accompanying. panel 3 "I was thinking how this[...]" maybe move up and left a bit? panel 4 "Snail" I think it'd be nice to increase the tracking on this slightly and/or make it a bit larger. p04 panel 1 "So Yurika, my parents[...]" I can understand the desire to combine the lines like this, especially with how thin the right side is, but I think it'd look better to keep the split the way it is in the original. Right now it gives an awkward impression of ignoring the bubble shape. panel 2 "Ummm... Well, you see..." I think we should drop the capital W here. panel 4 "Hey! Sayu-chan!?" This is a separate font. It'd be nice to match it with something that can help communicate the flustered nature of the original. "Yurika agreed to stay over." move up slightly. p05 panel 1 "Sayuri's house" This is too small, I'd say. I think widening the text box a bit is necessary. "Thanks for having me over!" Add a white stroke "Yaaay!" Maybe add a slight arch to this to match the original. panel 2 "I'll worry about the makeup thing later." Maybe change this to be 3 lines and make a it a bit larger for ease of readability. p06 "We decided to cook supper together." The leading feels off on this. "That's okay. I'll teach you." move down slightly panel 2 "Chop" "slide" I kind of like the way the original SFX just slightly overlap the bubble itself - it makes them feel a bit louder. I think it'd be nice to mirror that kind of effect. The slides in particular are a bit on the small side, it may be better to make them a bit larger, maintain the angle of the letters themselves, but place them independently to make the word a bit more vertical. Hope that makes sense! panel 3 "Okay, got it!" This is a different font from the rest I've seen so far, at least from what I can tell. I think it's meant to be lighthearted and cheery. Up to you if you'd like to try to replicate this, as I know the fonts can be a bit all over the place in the original. "まぜまぜ..." missing floating text panel 4 "Finished" This dont looks a bit too angry. I'd recommend something a bit thinner with softer angles. It'd also be nice to overlap the bubble a bit like in the original. p07 (sorry about mixing this up in the raws!) panel 4 "[...]makeup. / those are / my honest / feelings." -> "[...] makeup. / those / are my / honest / feelings." This is technically a worse shape, but it should make the full dialogue a bit more readable while still having it be partially covered by the other bubble. It will make the blurb one line longer though, so if that ends up looking wrong, it's also totally fine the way it is. "So what is it then!?" I think this should be a bit bigger. p08 I really like the way the sfx turned out on this page! p09 panel 1 "Okay." looks a bit too small p12 panel 3 "Glooom" This is a small thing, so feel free to skip this if you like. I think this could look a bit better if it has a few less O's, and the letters were given a slight amount of vertical variance and tilt. The original is a bit slapdash, and you can see how the vowel extension line is uneven, which gives a more expressive feel than the perfectly straight "glooom" we have now. p13 panel 1 "Hmm?" make a bit larger panel 4 "Shock" this feels like it should be written in all caps, and maybe a bit thicker? panel 7 "All right already,[...]" move the star below it slightly further away from the text p14 panel 2 "She's so smart and has loads of money" "and on top of that she's gorgeous" Maybe we can tilt these slightly so it's more clear that it's floating text, not narrative text? panel 4 "For real!?" maybe tilt this the other way and move it right a bit? It kind of feels like it's intruding on the art a bit too much. p17 panel 3 I think it's a bit of a missed opportunity to drop the わ～ here. It'd be nice to include that in some way, and maybe make the line a bit shaky to match the and written squiggly bit. panel 4 I think all the text in this panel can be made a bit larger, to match the panel above. p18 panel 1 "Um..." "Watarai-san." I think it's okay to leave this in the normal dialogue font. The high impact font feels like a bit much outside of punchlines.