Hanamonogatari_5_QC_aS 129f1 I suggest bolditalics for "you" in "let's have you add" Same for "me?" And the following yes and you To add a bit of feeling 130f1 Add a comma after "so today" p130f1b1: sweetpea -> sweet pea Umber is definitely umber and not amber, right? Umber seems powdery, but also I have no idea how perfume is made. Some kind of apothecary witch stuff here. 131f3 Maybe change to "Oh wow…" 132f1/2 Move "it's nice" to the start so it's "It's nice if you have one of these to toss in your bag, right?" For flow 132f4 Make a perfume -> make perfume 132f5 Remove the comma after "myself" and add quotes around "just when will I wear this?" (make sure the question mark is in the quotes) 132f6 Cleaning -> cleanin' Going -> goin' Add "and" before "goin' " 133f1 When ever -> whenever p133f2b2: even if it -> even if it's // or, -> even if you'd just like (Altair recommends the latter) p133f2b2: 'lil -> li'l 134f1 Change the comma after "way" to an ellipsis p134f3b2: wha?! -> wha-!? p134f3b3: but? now -> but now? p135f1b1: other half's -> better half's // I assume she's talking about a spouse or partner, and the more typical phrase is "better" p135f5b1: ok -> okay p136f1b2: Makeup -> makeup Mixed case can be tricky, but this is the way pros handle it when they use it in like flashbacks and stuff p136f3b2: other half -> better half p136f4b4: other half -> better half 137f5 I suggest changing the comma to an ellipsis. Not mandatory here, but would look a bit better since the sentence is cut over two bubbles 138f3 Change the period after think to a comma No need to split the sentence Never been much -> never much been p138f5b1: you go -> do you go p138f6b1: add period after san 139f1 Well… -> Hmm… To avoid repetition P139f3b1: woman". -> woman." p140f2b2: also was -> was also Comma after "was also in tokyo" p140f2b3: but was -> but I was 141f3 Remove "but" in "but when I was" Odd repetition 30 -> thirty General numerals rule 141f4 Remove question mark in the right bubble (since the sentence doesn't end until the left bubble) p142f1b1: make -> made For flow purposes, remove "I wondered," before "just what". Then change "I wonder" in f3 to "I wondered" 142f3 Change the period after waiting to a comma p142f4b1: add period after san p142f5b1: le-le-let's -> l-l-let's p143f4b1: got -> go Period after yes to a comma 143f6 Mmm -> Hmm p143f7b1: nothing -> no one p144f2b2: otooto -> little brother // I see no reason not to translate this p144f3b2: otooto -> brother // little was established in frame 2, so we don't need to repeat it 4 -> four 144f4 Remove the comma after "But" Period after asked him to ellipsis 144f5 Change the ending comma to an ellipsis Particularly because it ends the page here 145f1 Alone 'n -> alone'n p145f5b1: you're -> you'd be 146f1 - ellipsis after yoshiko-san p146f2b1: gets -> getting 146f6 - take -> attend or -> take the classes, some audit them. When you're auditing a class, you're specifically not taking it. I think the second option probably fits the original intent best 147f2 - ah -> be or -> uh It wouldn't of -> it'd be of no use to anybody To avoid repetition in the next bubble f3 - comma to period after for me 147f5 - for example, libraries, the -> For example, there are libraries the Comma after "rare books" 148f1 - 50 -> fifty p148f1b2: it's head -> its head p148f4b1: remove comma after time And after "but" in the second bubble Might be worth adding a note in the credits about who Yoshiya Nobuko is. Maybe? p149f2b1: ok -> okay p150f3b1: other half -> better half // the repetition of this phrase is starting to get to me; I'd love it if we'd mix it up. partner maybe?