38f2
That guy. -> That guy…
Because the sentence is continued in the following bubble

p38f2b1: "right?" -> "wasn't he?"

38f3
beauty with him too. What a guy. -> beauty with him too, what a guy.
Just for flow

39f1
I suggest changing "Wha" to "Huh" or "What"

p39f2b2: "I saw" -> "I only saw"

39f3
I suggest more leading/white space around all 3 sets of background text
Kind of similar to the original, just so it is more readable. The dots make it a bit hard to read the text

p39f3 first text: "Hey, want do" -> "Hey, what do"
p39f4b2: "mini skirt..." -> "miniskirt..."

39f5
I suggest changing the period after "up" into a comma
Also so the sentence doesn't slow down

40f1
I recommend "boop" instead of "beep"
It's the more common sound nowadays. Blame Overwatch

A note for the two hearts on this page to see how they look with a space before them

p42f2b1: "reckon'" -> "reckon"

40f3
Change the comma after "but" into an ellipsis

I suggest changing "yer" and "ya" to "you're" and "you"
To stay consistent with chapter 1's use

41f3
I suggest changing "morning" to mornin'
Just to easily sneak in some dialect

42f1
Lowercase the "B" in "But"
Because it is part of the previous sentence

42f2
I recommend an ellipsis after reckon

Remove the hyphen in child-like

42f3
Lowercase the "E" in "Every" and add a comma to after "again"
This is a tricky sentence with a parenthetical phrase sorta split over the boxes, so this should fix it up (technically "that" should be after "why" but it's not needed because of the casual speech)

p44f1b1: move period inside quotes
p44f3b2: "My" -> "my"
p44f4b1: change final period to comma
p44f4b2: "Then" -> "then"

42f5
I suggest lowercasing the "P" here 
That's just a preference call for having sound effects in the same case. It might not be needed everywhere (splash earlier looked good) but this one sticks out a bit
(I'll review Viz and Seven Seas to see how they tend to do it, since they're the only redrawers out there)

43f1
Change "be open" to "open up"

Move the period after "open pores" into the quotes

Your pores are more noticeable when dirty. After rinsing, your pores will be open, so moisturize quickly. -> Your pores are more noticeable when they're dirty. They'll be open after rinsing, so moisturize quickly. 

Changing around the pronouns and turning the second sentence into two parts rather than the fragments

44f4
A counter to Saga here, the box can't end in a comma after "80 pages", but it would work as an ellipsis

I also suggest to change it to "If my life is an 80-page book…"
Because it is less wordy

45f3
Add an ellipsis after "it's like" and then lowercase the "a" in the next bubble
Remove the hyphen from "sweet-pea"

47f1
Change the period after "lipstick" to a comma

Change "a lipstick" to "some lipstick" or to "a new lipstick color"
Lipstick can be either countable or uncountable depending on the context. Usually there is a reason to use "a" instead of the slightly more common mass noun(?) version


47f2
I suggest moving "next month" to the end of the sentence
To offset the following 3-part sentence

Change "this" to "that"

47f3
Girl's -> Girls'

48f1
I suggest changing "pretty" to "nice"
To avoid repetition with the color later on the page

Remove the "a" before "lipstick"

48f2
Change "some" to "a few"
To avoid repetition

48f3
Change the period after spring to a comma
To prevent the stop

49f4
To Saga's point, I suggest "Whew, they managed to stay dry."

p49f5b1: "didn't get wet and stayed dry" is redundant; pick one, or be a bit more colorful, like "Whew, I managed to bring them inside in time."

50f1
turn for -> turn to
(unless this is an idiom I don't recognize)

p50f4b1 (this is a note for Raida): it could just be the typeface, but there should not be spaces around the tildes in L'arc~en~Ciel

50f4
The tildes are also huge, I recommend making them smaller if that's easy to do. If not, no prob, they'll be fine

Remove the apostrophe in CD's

poppa's -> Papa's

(Saga's note was: p50f9b2: I do not know what a poppa is, but remove the apostrophe)

54f1
Sweat-pea -> Sweet Pea

I probably missed this last time, but italicize "Hana Monogatari"

54f2
Remove the hyphen in "sweet-pea" and the comma after it
Change "is" to "was"
Change charmed to charms
Add "the" before "school"
Basically: "Pretty as a sweet pea is Ayako-san, who charms everyone at the school."

The tense was inconsistent in these summaries, so I opted to change all to present tense because it fit better. Could work as past as well

p54f1b2: move comma inside quotes
p54b2f1: "Pretty as sweet-pea" -> "Pretty as a sweet-pea"
p54f3b1: "focussed" -> "focused"
p54f5b2: "Asako-san" -> "Ayako-san" // probably, making an educated guess here

54f3
Remove the comma after "In contrast"

54f4
Remove the hyphen in "sweet-pea"
Could -> did
End it with a question mark

54f5
Reminder her -> reminded her

p55f1 outside text: -> "Not a change in the world. I'm gettin' carried away."
p55f2b2: well okay, it's "Asako" here again, figure out whether it's Ayako or Asako
	"was beautiful" -> "was a beautiful"
p55f2b3: "complete" -> "the complete"
p55f3b1: "Beautiful," -> "A beautiful,"
p55f4b1: remove comma after awkward
p55f4b2: -> "A beautiful story, but in a way that makes me draw back just a tad."
p55f5b1: "right now!" -> "right away!"

55f1
Saga meant "chance" and not "change" here

Remove the comma after "young lady"
(because it is not followed by an independent clause)

56f5
I recommend moving "Recently" to the end of the sentence

56f6
I suggest changing to "Kashikura Naomi is 54?!"

p56f5 caption: "esthetician" -> "aesthetician" // both are correct, I just recommend the more standard spelling
p56f7b1: remove comma after one

57f1
Make up -> makeup

p57f5b2: "and thought" -> "and I thought"

57f5
Remove "But" in the second bubble and do not capitalize the following n in nothing

59f2
I suggest adding the visible text here to 56f3's version of this magazine

60f1
I though -> I thought
Freshen -> freshened
Add an ellipsis to after "soon"

60f3
Remove the crossbars in the I's here

60f4
I suggest "It's cool, good for you!" instead to prevent the dialogue from slowing down

60f5
Change the period after "makeup" to a comma

61f3
Hyphenate to "20-year-old"

Change the hyphen in the final bubble to an em dash and remove the spaces around it
Remove the comm after "oh" as well

Change "net" to "internet"
That slang never picked up outside of Japan (but boy do I remember it being big there in the early 2000s)

p61f2b1: "So that why" -> "So that's why"
p61f5b3: "moving" -> "movies"

61f4
Change the first bubble to "Hey, Gran!"
To remove the repetition of how she always says "oh?"

62f2
Change the period after "young" to a comma

62f1
Going a step further than Saga, change the comma into an ellipsis

p62f5b1: remove comma after student

p63f2b1: I don't like how the line break is right in hte middle of the Is

63f2
To build off of Saga, hyphenate as "com-iiing"
Because that's where the syllable splits in the dictionary

I do recommend including page 64 in this chapter