Content warning: these magical girls are kinda low key (what would you do if you could do magic?), teen drama angst doesn't interfere with canonical yuri for once, true love manages to trump love spells and that spells confusion.

My first time editing, please give feedback

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ERsQaiMJZzbjJWl0D6ESN7poR2AZPfvB/view

Hi valence, I've taken a cursory look and it looks pretty good. I'll review it again with the text file and raws and let you know if I see anything on second pass.

finished ch2 now:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1STDA9cNzmZoRYTbsDDBE1t9k_4KRjBbq

I'm not going to get into whether text changes work or not. They all seem to still convey the same meaning, but I'll leave the grammatical evaluation to Nobody on Dynasty. Grammar isn't my strong suit. Big thing I noticed was the use of "mum" instead of "mom". Feel free to keep it if you want, it just stuck out to me since I'm not used to seeing it.

P10, Panel 1: The phrase is going into someone else's school, they aren't switching schools, just visiting in this case. Switching implies transferring and that's not whats going on here.

P13, Panel 4: missing handwritten "Who Knows?" text

P23, panel 3: Capital "R"

P25, panel 5: Question mark looks weird here

P27, panel 5: "any" is missing between there's and such

Overall the cleaning and typesetting looks good. I'm not an expert on font choices but they all seem fine to me.

Thanks for the review! The use of “mum” is mostly just a habit for me.

re P10.1: I assumed there they are switching schools and not visiting, because on page 9, Maki sees them and exclaims “First years!” – and they’re also wearing the same uniform.

re P25.5: this is an interrobang ‽. I could replace it with ?! I suppose… I kinda want to keep it because its cute lol

full steam ahead:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1aILAqxHOywyfgd3mqFsA94Cb0JnVgi2d

re Pg 1: The line before that is her asking if it's their first time at Akio Academy. And one of the girls is wearing a blazer. Also, I doubt her school is the only one that wears sailor uniforms. Also, one of the girls in a sailor uniform comments that the auditorium is different from her school's, indicating a present tense.

I'll leave it to you if you want to change it, but my read is that they are visiting students there for the auditions.

Also, you're really knocking these out. I'll try to get chapter 2 & 3 reviewed by Friday.

I asked boke and I think you’re right. I’ve changed it to “Have you been to Akio Academy before? // It’s hard finding your way around someone else's school, huh?”.

Anyway, QC period is over, so the final version with all changes is here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1yPZVqAcDIXtO3f7Co5dSQsvJIvx68dqp

There’s something in the guidelines about a mediafire folder and the home page, but I’m not sure how to edit those, so I’m just sending an upload request to Dynasty for now.

Not much on this one:

Pg43 - I think the wording choice of "Even doing this in the classroom" is better. Its not that they are in the classroom, but what they are doing that's the issue.

Side note: this is getting interesting. Taking a turn I wasn't expecting!

Re mediafire & homepage: those are out of play right now. The person in charge of those isn't active right now AFAIK.

pg49 pn 4: you -> you'll

pg49 pn 6: capital "I"

pg62 pn 2: "Did she go home?" doesn't need to be vertical here, you have some room to flip it.

ch4: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1bEMkb3b76U4jg9ilWWtaYL8Eri3tO9mz

ch5: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1j-Gbbyf82jWMFc_rxeWOZeORPDMbJuii

(also, I sent the upload request for chapter 2 after responding to QC)

ch6: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1CRY4Dn_ar6Z5oc5fC4iyT4fQwuUl1fZ2?usp=sharing

ch7: ttps://drive.google.com/drive/folders/19kZGyhfDJeyL241PWsf5uKkIqJNEapOb?usp=sharing

extras: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/120OiSWzsblmJKYJkT2BfoHkmDyuX3TTv?usp=sharing

Pg67 pn6: I think the original text works better here. I don't think she's in disbelief, just amazed at the circumstances.

Pg69 pn2: Is there a way to fit this in two lines?

Pg69 pn6: No hyphon between "no one"

Pg72 pn3: Maybe "of her" since its referring to her mom's work as an actress?

Pg73 pn1: "should" instead of "could". She's instructing her on how she "should" be acting

Pg73 pn4: "Maika" is misspelled here

Pg82 pn5: Capitalize "Science"

Pg85 pn2: I think you should include the first question

Pg87 pn4: "These" sweet words

Pg67 pn6: I didn’t like “It’s a trippy scene”, because to me, one would only use the word “trippy” to describe something that is visually confusing to look at, whereäs in this case it’s just an idea. To me, “I still can’t believe it’s real” doesn’t imply that she is in disbelief: it’s a phrase most often used as an exaggeration (hence why we have the cliché “I can’t believe it’s real, literally – [reason why the person thinks it’s fake]”). If there’s another option though I’d be happy to change it to that.

Pg73 pn1: The original text, “Feel free to act”, I removed since it sounded passive-aggressive. But still, I interpreted that the line was Maika explaining a vision she has rather than giving commands; otherwise it feels a little too aggressive, as if Maika is reprimanding her?

Pg87 pn4: Using “Those” reads better to me because the conversation appears to be over and they’re not currently talking. But if you think that “those” does read worse I can change it.

Thanks again for the review!

Re: Ch4
Pg 67 - that's fine then. That was my interpretation, but your explanation works too.
Pg 73 - In this case, it's the experienced star giving direction to a newer star. Everyone is looking at her as the leader, so Maika is explaining that even if she's anxious, she should be acting as if she's not to boost the confidence of the other cast and crew, as the "leader" of the troupe.
Pg87 - "These" is in reference to Kana's continued words of praise and support same as the "This warmth" that Kana is providing. So "These words" and "This warmth" are tied together.

Ch5 Review:
Pg91 pn1: Either Change to a period or uncapitalize "do"
Pg109 pn2: uncapitalize "The"
Pg110 pn4: Splitting "praised" feels weird. Is it because of the CLRD?
Pg115 pn2: Missing comma between "thing" and "right"
Pg115 pn3: Splitting "Litt-le" feels weird here too

I’ve updated p73 and p87, and ch5.
(re p110, it wasn’t about CLRD, I just didn’t like the balance of the other options. But I changed to “She praised // me!” and it’s fine).

P125 pn3: "I want to see yo..." is missing from the first text box.

Rest looks good.

Chapter 7
Pg150 pn2: Missing "was". "What am I going to do if it "was" an accident?"
Pg151 pn4: Lowercase "L"
Extra
Pg161 pn1: Senpai not san

Interesting story. Didn't end quite how I thought it would.

Thanks again for the reviews in this series!

Re 151/4, that is in fact a lowercase L, it just looks uppercase in the font :)

I’ll be uploading to Dynasty and Mangadex every few days… can’t let everyone get spoiled after all ;)