Content warning: It's a good day when you can order yuri right to your door, the way out of poverty is through a yuri barter economy, don't underestimate the power of mis-interpreting a performance - sometimes it'll get you what you want.

the first story is all cleaned now, but I did not typeset anything beside the sfx, so it's still incomplete and up for a ts to work on it.

https://www.mediafire.com/file/0bmlednlb953bi9/Doorbell_and_Idol_CLRD_%2526_SFX_-merin.zip/file

PS might work on redrawing and lettering the second story too

Nice. Thanks for the work so far!

Question on the sfx layering. Some of the sfx don't have any backing or edging, so they're blending into the background or into the art. This may be an issue on my end since I'm using CSP (tried opening in GIMP too) but nothing else is loading weird. So I thought I'd ask. So far it's been pages 7,8, and 10.

> Question on the sfx layering. Some of the sfx don't have any backing or edging, so they're blending into the background or into the art. This may be an issue on my end since I'm using CSP (tried opening in GIMP too) but nothing else is loading weird. So I thought I'd ask. So far it's been pages 7,8, and 10.

I used photoshop to add the sfx effects (mainly just strokes for this chapter) and from what i know csp and gimp "delete" them. This is how they look for me (see attached image). Feel free to add the effects back if they don't look like the original to you (╥﹏╥) i know no other workaround beside working on the files with photoshop

Hmmm, okay. I don't have PS, so not sure what else I can do. Tell ya what, later today I'll upload a PSD with my TS work on a page that's having this issue, and maybe you can combine it with your file? If that doesn't work, I can just re-sfx the ones that aren't coming in. I'd rather not have to redo them since yours look significantly better.

Here's a draft of page 10. Are you able to reapply the SFX or import the TS into photoshop?

https://mega.nz/folder/MulngBrA#9T7or4V2evvcpYMw42wjeg

I just remembered i can rasterise all the effects, so work over these files instead (they should have all the effects now) m(_ _)m

https://www.mediafire.com/file/duaiif2rq3l99q0/Doorbell_and_Idol_CLRD_%2526_SFX_-merin.zip/file

Okay, that worked! I'll get to doing to TS and upload for review.

The First Chapter - Doorbell and Love is ready for QC:

https://mega.nz/file/MvM2CRLL#izYj7XzVNPa668iHVQCGHZTGymHXM3Bdvhi2BxkvLZ0

Sorry, accidentally deleted the file when I was clearing out older stuff.
https://mega.nz/file/Uu8V1bBT#wUV82CJdrVHXrGZvOzsHz6cZySehGaqIZv8Z8QPADPA

Hey boke, question on page 32 panel 4: "It made me think - that this is what my fans felt when I retired." The hyphen in the middle. Would it be okay to attach that to "think-" or is it meant to imply a pause in her sentence? Right now its causing an odd spacing issue with how I'm trying to incorporate it. JQ was kind enough to QC this chapter and brought up the oddness in how its typeset but I wasn't sure how else to put it in.

>>26532

Oh, yeah, that is ugly. By all means, attach away.

Okay, I've made all the updates requested. The mega link has been updated with the latest file. If I don't hear anything, I'll upload to MD and send the Dynasty request on Friday.

>>26489
Merin, do you still plan on doing the CLRD and SFX for the second story?

Soo...I was let go from my job. On the plus side, I should have some free time to tackle some of my backlog here while job hunting.

>>26742

Oof, that sucks. Good luck with the job hunt, and I hope you can squeeze in some fun with more free time. And of course, happy if you can spare some time for the projects here.

Picnic chapter is ready for review.

https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/1J0N-OVXlrzB3pdPN7yoArFC26J-0ogSR

Part 1 is ready for review. Same link as above.

This is my first time QCing and I left a lot of comments 😅

notation is {page number}/{panel number}, and when referring to other review comments, {page number}/{panel number}/{review comment number}.

If there’s certain categories of comment you don’t agree with, do say that, I won’t mention them in future.

42/3: “you are” is a bit awkward in speech, I think “you're” is more natural
43/2: Dots after ã‚“ only partially removed
43/3: “It’s too bad” isn’t an idiom; it’s either “That’s too bad” or “Too bad”
44/1: Text off-center in 2nd bubble
44/3: “But” repeated
44/4: Mixed use off crossbar “I”? Not sure if intentional, but it looks a bit weird to me.
45/2: Text off-center, and I’m not sure about “In general you will always match me”, it just comes across weird. Maybe something like “You always want to match with me” instead?
45/4: ね partially removed
46/1: “That means” is repeated from the previous page, but I think the second one might read better as “It means”
46/1: Repeated use of the word “customer” doesn’t read well. Maybe replace the first with “It means she sees me as special, right?!”, or the second with “I’m not just a stranger any more” or “I’m not just some random any more”
46/3: Uncapitalize “With”, and needs a semicolon at the end
46/4: Uncapitalize “Became”, and needs a comma at the end
46/5: Uncapitalize “And”
46/5: Text off-center for “Yeah, it is!”
46/5: Possibly add a comma in “Since you must be short on time[,] do you eat toast in the morning?”
47/1: “You are” again, which might read better as “you’re”
47/1: “Is there any bread that you are fond of?” is a bit of a weird thing to ask; maybe “Are there any types of bread you’re fond of?” is better
47/2: Another thing where inserting “types of” or “kinds of” would help: “I like various types of little roll”. Or just “I do like little rolls”. Unless of course she means that when she eats bread, she buys several little rolls that are pairwise distinct flavours, but that seems unlikely?
47/2: “Ones with things like Gobou salad or gratin on top” – I’d remove the “things like”, since to me it reads too vague. Or maybe replace it with “toppings like”
48/3: “Some bread” introduces an uncountable noun, so here she should say “This much?” rather than “This many?”.
48/3: I don’t really like the repeated use of “please”. Maybe use “do accept them” instead, or remove the “Oh please”?
48/3: “As long as it’s not a bother” to me is more natural as “If it’s not a bother”.
48/4: I’m pretty sure “I’ll take you at your word” is not an idiom. An idiom that does convey the same meaning is eluding me, but I think it might work to replace entirely with something like “Well then, thank you very much” or “Then I appreciate your generosity”.
48/6: This calls back to 47/2/1, where it’s not clear whether Sayaka has taste for many different types of roll, or whether she enjoys possessing several different types of roll at once. If we use the former interpretation, then I think this should be rewritten as “Since you said you like many different types of bun”.
48/6: I usually am the one to have the Oxford comma suggested to me, but I would suggest its usage here: “Japanese, Western, and Chinese”.
48/6: “There’s a meatball bun, one with gratin, and [one with] twice cooked pork.” I’m assuming that all the foodstuffs she’s referring to are buns.
49/1: Repeated use of “so”. Can replace the 2nd sentence with “I tried them out and I think the flavor’s OK.”
49/1: I’d go for “To go out of your way (and → to) make them to suit my own tastes…”
49/4: “or anything” is redundant
49/5: “The next time” → “Next time”
50/3: “for Sayaka” has a white outline
51/1: Relates to 48/6/1
52/3: Off-center text in 4th bubble
52/5: To me “yummy” feels like too childish of a word, so I’d suggest “tasty” or “delicious”
52/5: “however” is too formal, I’d prefer “but”
52/5: “just” repeated, perhaps “Thanking me for my thanks is (just → a bit) over the top…”
53/2: Comma after “fabric I have”
53/2: “and then if there’s” → “and if there’s”
53/2: “.” needed after “for you with that”
53/2: “I’d like to make something for you with that.” would read better to me as “I could make something for you with it.”
54/1: Add ellipses or exclamation mark
55/2: Punctuation after “Whooaa”
55/3: “Here to here” collides a bit with “just about”; needs some relayouting
56/2: “That’s amazing!” and “So cute!” a bit off-center
56/5: Punctuation after “Yeah”
56/5: “it would” → “it’d”
56/5: “too young” → “too youthful”
56/5: “the color and the fabric” → “the color and fabric”
56/6: Repeated use of “She”, maybe just have “She, uhh… / really knows her stuff!”?
56/7: I’d suggest “could it be… / you were”
58/1: Punctuation after “Okay”
58/3: Text off-center in first bubble
58/4: “would not have” → “wouldn’t have” (or “wouldn’t’ve” if you like chaining contractions ;)
59/1: Text off-center in 2nd bubble
60/3: Text off-center in 4th bubble
60/4: Text off-center in 1st bubble
60/4: Repeated “But”. And an ellipses at the end might work better?
61/2: Text off-center in 2nd bubble
61/2: Repeated “I’d love” – replace “I’d love to have” with “I really want to” or “I really like to”
62/1: “Let’s do (that → it)”
62/2: Text message should have more padding on the left.
62/2: Pointy bit of the text message bubble was rubbed out.
62/3: Punctuation
62/5: “Good (Morning → morning)” (×2)
63/1: “Where is the bakery (where you work → you work at)?”, to avoid repeated “where”
69/5: “she’s on her lunch” → “she’s on lunch break”
71/3: Punctuation after “I’m sorry”
71/3: “all the sudden” is not an idiom, use “so suddenly”, “without warning”, or “without notice”
73/3: I think ellipses after “For always” would look good
77/1: Text off-center in 2nd bubble
77/2: Punctuation after “Remi-san”
78/2: Text off-center in 2nd bubble
78/2: Change of font mid-sentence?

How exciting…

083/1: Text off-center in 3rd bubble
086: Increase the width of the border on the white text, to match the raws and aid readability
086/2: Repeated “But”
086/2: A small comment, I don’t think the handwritten font used for “PEOPLE MADE OF GLASS” quite captures the feel of the original. Maybe something serif would look better?
087/1: “A friend of my friend” isn’t wrong, but it might be worth changing to the idiom “a friend of a friend” since it’s so close
092/3: Put “All The Flowers Theater Troupe” in quotes? It has consistency with page 96 as well
094/3: “self intro” → “self-intro”?
095/1: Text off-center in 1st bubble
095/1: I’m not sure what “Ephemeral” is supposed to mean here?
096/5: “Sweats” is a North American-specific phrase. I’m not sure if we want to avoid that, just noting because I certainly didn’t know the word.
098/1: “Okay” needs centering and punctuation, and potentially “Hyaaa” needs punctuation too
098/1: Maybe it’s better to replace the second “OK” with “Like that.” or “Good.” (or the first with “Got it.” or “Right.”), because it’s a bit weird to respond to “okay” with “okay”.
099/2: Some syllables are missing. It should be “A E I U E O A O // KA KE KI KU KE KO KA KO // SA SE SHI SU SE SO SA SO // TA TE CHI TSU TE TO TA TO”. And the SFX is just the same thing, but cut off, so instead of the ellipses continue the lines until it overruns the panel.
099/3: “Amemba” → “Amembo”
101/1: She says the same thing twice. Maybe “You look like you’re in your teens!”; or swap the bubble order, so the second bubble becomes a clarification.
101/2: Well that’s the second word I’ve learnt today, apparently “Snerk” is Internet slang. 😄 (no action needed)
103/4: “appears” → “appear”, since “A man and a woman” is plural
104/4: “Ah” needs punctuation
104/4: It might look more balanced if “as” was moved to the next line in the second non-grey bubble? Not sure.
106/1: I think hypenation is appropriate in the 1st bubble.
106/1: Text off-center in 5th bubble.
108/2: “I totally ended up thinking how amazing the actors were!” is a weird sentence. I might be better to entirely replace with something like “I was completely awed by how amazing all the actors were!”.
108/3: Punctuation after “Hahaha”, perhaps an em dash or comma
109/3: Missing “and” in the 1st bubble
113/2: Text off-center in 5th (last) bubble
115aa: Maybe include a screenshot of 99/4 instead of writing out the words again?
115aa: boke’s translation script included a bunch of “Ideographic Space” Unicode characters, which show up as boxes in the font you’re using. Should probably replace those boxes with regular spaces.

Thanks for the review! I've made the changes and am waiting on feedback from Nobody before uploading.

Sorry for the delay, and thanks to Lilisionnach for handing this series to me! I uploaded the first part (though 99% of the work was done already).

Sorry for the delay! My laptop broke a couple times but it’s all good now… 😅

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1tnQzcgAQOS2IeWuZdcArIIY3gQt9MILi

I decided to split the extras into their own chapter.

Part 3: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1T48_QtBQfaqaq8TAz317nPI1EwmKeA9A
extras: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1loymVtfJtye04Pv_HFzAMJ6CAepAoSve

I’ve yet to do the cover pages (I only reälized I forgot last minute) and the redraw of some flowers on page 197, and I may come back to the wall of text on page 175. But that’ll be at least in several days so I’m putting this up now.

(I’ve updated those pages now)